5 ways your mattress is not your friend
So. You’ve had a relaxing bath, finished your evening meditation and sprinkled sleep-inducing lavender oil on your pillow. Your next stop? Snoozeville, Sleep City.
But despite the facts – you’ve had a busy day, you’re exhausted and you’ve followed a relaxing bedtime routine – sleep doesn’t seem to be on your brain’s travel schedule. After tossing and turning and stuffing your head under the pillow in exasperation, you’re forced to come face to face with your evening enemy – and that dastardly sleep thief – your mattress.
Remember the Princess and the Pea?
Well, she wouldn’t have sprouted such complaints, even noticed the lil fella, if she’d had a half-decent mattress to begin with. But instead she managed a bruised back and a crappy sleep. Because of a pea. A Pea!
Hopefully there are no peas in your mattress, but here are 5 ways your mattress may be a pain your neck.
Or your back.
1. Mattress mood-killer – almost as bad as a sleep killer!
The secret joke of mattresses everywhere is a creaky spring. You’ve finally gotten some alone time with your partner after various work/family/pet commitments; and you’re looking forward to making the most of it. The house is quiet, you make your move and…
Creeeak! Creeeak! Creaky creak creeeeeak!
BAM! Instant mood killer.
Whether you’re trying to hide your tryst from other household members or just can’t stop giggling every time you set off a Chipmunk screech, a creaky mattress is designed to make sure you’re not getting any that night. Great.
2. Mattress hijinks and (un)avoidable injuries
We’ve all been there. We awake feeling rested after a great night’s sleep, the sun’s shining through the curtains and we’re certain that today we’ll get out of the right side of the bed. Unfortunately our spring out of slumber is massively exaggerated by an overzealous mattress…and we end up catapulting ourselves into the bedroom wall instead.
No, you haven’t done that? Hmm. Must just be us, then.
Ok, here’s one we’re sure you can relate to. If you’ve got little ones, a favorite activity is probably jumping on the bed. (Because, let’s face it, it’s unbelievably entertaining.) And this has probably led to sprained wrists, twisted ankles or at the very least, an egg-shaped bruise on the noggin. Mattress: 1, Humans: 0.
Who are we kidding, this doesn’t just happen to kids. Jumping on the bed is a fun and dangerous adult sport, too.
3. Mattress deflation, a letdown of epic proportions
If camping mattresses could talk, oh the stories they’d tell. Whether you’re at a music festival or soaking up the great outdoors, a good camping mattress can be your best friend at the end of a weary travel day.
So imagine flopping onto it in exhaustion, only to have it rudely deflate beneath your tired bones. Not cool, mattress. Not cool at all.
4. Mattress infestation, the creepy crawlies that destroy a good night’s sleep
If you’ve ever been a backpacker and spent time in hostels, you’ll know all about the evils of a bedbug-ridden mattress. Nearly invisible to the eye but as sleuth-like as Sherlock, these little guys will leave their mark long after you’ve bedded elsewhere. They lay eggs in your clothes and in your bag. So just when you think you’re rid of them, those familiar red spots appear.
Cue cackling laugh from the mattress hiding the little buggers.
5. Goldilocks’ syndrome and how to win at shopping for a new mattress
There’s a huge selection of mattresses out there. And since we all have different needs, bodies and preferences, how are we expected to find ‘The One’?
Some will feel too firm, others too soft; it might seem impossible to find one that’s just right. You might end up spending a fortune on a new mattress only to realize that it gives you back problems or that you simply can’t get comfy on it in the first place. In that case, you could end up sleep-deprived; something which can have all kinds of repercussions to your health.
But persevere, weary traveler. Because although you might have to kiss many frogs, you’re bound to find your prince in the end. And when you do, your mattress will become less like a frenemy, and more like a friend.
Remember, buying a mattress is like getting married, especially considering how much time you’ll spend with it. It’ll have to put up with a lot of different sleep positions, sharing those bed-jumping highs and those pillow-thumping lows. But ultimately, it will be there to hold you every night. And isn’t that the ‘happy ending’ we’re all in search of?!
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