How to convince your partner it’s time for a new mattress, using your powers of persuasion of course…
For some people, change is not a welcome concept. You know the ones… They refuse to retire their favorite tattered pair of jeans until they nearly disintegrate. When it comes to mattresses, they seem to love the lumps, bumps and sag – like a weird lullaby, perhaps? Instead of a great night’s sleep, maybe they dream of a wonderfully supportive mattress that’s springy in all the right places.
If you sleep with someone who’s been holding onto an old mattress too long, we’re offering some powerful arguments to help them see the light – a combination of hard facts and a psychotherapist’s best tips on how to persuade and communicate your wishes clearly. Use these tactics and, in no time, you’ll be enjoying a fantastic quality mattress and the blissful sleep that comes with it.
Just the facts – the telltale signs that the time has come to replace your mattress
- Your mattress is more than 8 years old – With regular use, you should be pondering buying a new mattress when your current one reaches its 7th
- You wake up not feeling well-rested – If you spend your nights tossing and turning, your mattress might be to blame.
- Your body is riddled with aches and pains in the morning – When mattresses near the end of lives, they can no longer support you adequately. Springs lose their spring. Foam no longer bounces back. The layers of the mattress become misshapen and lose their compression, creating sag.
- Squeaks and creaks wake you up – Unusual noises are a sign your mattress has seen better nights. Remember, when you replace your mattress, it’s time to replace the foundation too.
- Sniffling and sneezing in the morning – Dust mites are a leading cause of allergies. They’re nasty and make themselves at home by burring into the top layers of the mattress. They’re tough to get rid of in an old mattress. Just ditch it!
- You can see lumps, bumps and valleys of your mattress – If the signs of sagging are visible on the surface of your mattress, then the amount and quality support you’re getting aren’t up to snuff.
For more tips, see When to Say ‘So Long to Your Mattress, from the Better Sleep Council. It also confirms what we already suspect: consumers delay replacing their mattresses far too often.
Unleash your powers of persuasion to start the “new mattress” conversation
Though research says that women (68%) are more likely than men (51%) to strongly agree that a good mattress is beneficial to health, both sexes may be reluctant to go ahead with buying a replacement. The reasons may vary, including a hesitancy to shop for one, the desire to postpone spending the money on a big purchase or thinking that the mattress is still fine and dandy. Why replace something that’s not broken?
You could change your bedmate’s mind by reminding him or her that, according to experts and consumers alike, a firm mattress with plenty of support and a good amount of firmness is more conducive to sex. And less sleep usually leads to less sex…
Beverly Hills, Calif.-based family and relationship therapist Dr. Fran Walfish says that the best way to convince your partner it’s time to buy a new mattress is through direct, honest communication. She says: “Tell him/her you need a new mattress to spice up the environment with change, and try some of these strategies… “
- Keep in touch with each other – Partners that feel connected with one another are better equipped to listen and respond to one another’s needs. “Honey, we need a new mattress” comes through loud and clear when you’ve made the effort to bond and communication your love. Dr. Walfish says something as simple as a love note, a quick text or email per day can keep the flames of love burning. Be specific in your communication. For example, “Thanks for bringing me my coffee in bed this morning. I loved that – and I love you.”
- Talk, really talk about your need for better sleep – “It’s easy to get stuck on conversational autopilot and spend too much time on the necessary, mundane details of everyday life,” she says. So, try lifting things to a higher level. That could mean while cooking with your partner, share your struggles to get a good night’s sleep and how you’re dreaming of the day when you can wake up feeling well rested. “Begin to see each conversation as an opportunity for connection, from your heart to your partner’s.”
- Communicate for the win of that new mattress – Dr. Walfish says that learning new communication techniques that emphasizes deep listening can help you clear old emotional blockages and access more meaningful ways of connecting with your partner. Those warm fuzzies will help foster deeper love connection.
Keep in mind that there is a fundamental difference between the way men and women communicate. Women are more verbal and men are more visual. Perhaps guys will respond well to images of a lush new mattress and detailed diagrams on how it was constructed. Gals might prefer to talk through the positives and negatives about a particular type of mattress.
Our top tips for nurturing open conversation about that new mattress
Whether you’re talking about a problem within the relationship or buying a mattress, the same principles apply.
- Be a detective – Ask your partner questions that require more than a one-word answer. In other words, don’t simply ask, “How are you?” Try thought-provoking questions including, like “If you had to give up sleep, sex or chocolate for the rest of your life, which would you choose?”
- Share personal struggles – We’re not suggesting you vent ALL your frustrations about the mattress in one conversation. Share your frustration and expose your vulnerability and your partner will be more open to listening – and sharing as well.
- Never judge, blame or be judgmentally opinionated – Discuss how you can shop for the new mattress together to ensure you’re both happy with the purchase.
- Always be truthful and don’t exaggerate or embellish – You may truly hate your current mattress but stick to the truth and you’ll get closer to a solution.
- Be sure you are in a quiet place with no distractions – We suggest doing it in bed so you have proof nearby.
When you’re ready to go mattress shopping, these links will help
- The ultimate guide to what’s inside your mattress
- 12 step mattress buying guide
- The perfect mattress for your body type
- How to choose the best blanket for a good night’s sleep
- Sleep masks and earplugs – why they’re good for your sleep
- Why a mattress protector is important protection for you new mattress